The Official Overwatch Communication Channel
by starcourt
Summary: Also known as, [MISTAKES WERE MADE]. (My own attempt at writing text messages between the Overwatch characters. Will pick up over time. Rated M for future texts.)
1. Chapter 1

**Alright, well, I've seen a few of these so I figured I'd give it a shot. Might help with writer's block? I dunno. But *shrugs*. Might take a bit for things to pick up in the funny category, but I'm trying.  
**

* * *

 **[Winston] created [Overwatch Communication Channel].**

 **[Winston] added [Soldier 76] to the chat.**

 **[Soldier 76] has entered [Overwatch Communication Channel].**

 **76:** Are you sure this is a good idea, Winston?

 **WINSTON:** It's been years, it's about time we remake our old means of communication. Unfortunately after Talon's attack on my lab, Athena was unable to recover many of the original channels.

 **76:** I really hope you know what you're doing.

 **[Winston] added [Lena Oxton], [Fareeha Amari], [Hana Song], and twenty-three others.**

 **[Lena Oxton] has entered [Overwatch Communication Channel].**

 **[Lena Oxton] changed their name to [Tracer].**

 **TRACER:** Winston! Trying to recreate our old chats?

 **WINSTON:** That's the idea.

 **[Ana Amari] has entered [Overwatch Communication Channel].  
**

 **ANA:** Do you not recall what happened last time we had these channels, Winston?

 **WINSTON:** I'm hoping we've all matured since that time.

 **[Genji Shimada] has entered [Overwatch Communication Channel].**

 **GENJI:** What in the fresh hell is this

 **TRACER:** It's already starting.

 **WINSTON:** Genji, please. This is for professional uses only.

 **GENJI:** Good luck with that

 **[Angela Ziegler] has entered [Overwatch Communication Channel].**

 **[Angela Ziegler] changed their name to [Mercy].**

 **MERCY:** Please, not again.

 **GENJI:** See Angela knows whats up

 **MERCY:** Winston, I beg you. Do not revive these chats.

 **WINSTON:** I hardly think it will be as bad as you think. Genji has been the only one so far to display an unprofessional attitude.

 **[Jesse McCree] has entered [Overwatch Communication Channel].**

 **MCCREE** **:** What the fuck

 **GENJI:** You were saying?

 **TRACER:** I can hear Winston facepalming from the other side of the base.

 **MCCREE:** I thought we were past these things

 **WINSTON:** All I wanted was to make talking to each other a little easier.

 **TRACER:** That was asking for too much mate.

 **76:** I tried to tell him.

 **[Jamison Fawkes] has entered [Overwatch Communication Channel].**

 **[Mako Rutledge] has entered [Overwatch Communication Channel].**

 **[Jamison Fawkes] changed their name to [Junkrat].**

 **[Junkrat] changed [Mako Rutledge]'s name to [Roadhog].**

 **JUNKRAT:** WHAT'S GOING ON HERE

 **MERCY:** Nothing. Winston, please. Before this gets out of hand.

 **TRACER:** Little late for that isn't it?

 **[Roadhog] has disconnected.**

 **MCCREE:** Didn't expect him to talk anyway

 **[Reinhardt Wilhelm] has entered [Overwatch Communication Channel].**

 **REINHARDT:** WINSTON MY FRIEND

 **WINSTON:** Hello, Rein. Glad you could join us.

 **REINHARDT:** I CANNOT EXPRESS HOW I'VE MISSED OUR CHATS

 **WINSTON:** Could you disable capslock by any chance?

 **ANA:** I don't believe that will be possible.

 **WINSTON:** Why not?

 **ANA:** You should see him trying to press one button at a time.

 **REINHARDT:** THE BUTTONS ARE SMALLER THAN I REMEMBER

 **WINSTON:** ...I'll work on designing a bigger communicator for you, Rein.

 **REINHARDT:** THANK YOU

 **[Hana Song] has entered [Overwatch Communication Channel].**

 **[Hana Song] changed their name to [DVa].**

 **DVA:** OH OH LENA TOLD ME ABOUT THE CHATS YOU GUYS USED TO HAVE  
 **DVA:** WHAT UP BITCH BOIS

 **MERCY:** Hana.

 **WINSTON:** Hana, as I stated before. Professional. Purposes. Only.

 **TRACER:** This is about how they were when we first had them

 **WINSTON:** We were younger then.

 **76:** Obviously nothing's changed.

 **TRACER:** Time does nothing. I would know.

 **76:** Damn it, Oxton.

 **TRACER:** OI! That's Tracer to you, _Jack._

 **76:** Jack is dead.

 **GENJI:** About as dead as I am.  
 **GENJI:** HANZO

 **[Hanzo Shimada] has entered [Overwatch Communication Channel].**

 **HANZO:** And I wish you'd stayed that way.

 **JUNKRAT:** BURN

 **DVA:** Genji's gonna need some healing from that

 **[Mercy] has disconnected.**

 **MCCREE:** Damn

 **DVA:** The disrespect

 **GENJI:** Fuck all of you

 **WINSTON:** I already regret everything.

 **[DVa] changed the chat name to [MISTAKES WERE MADE].**

 **TRACER:** Couldn't have said it better myself

 **[Winston] removed [DVa]'s admin permissions.**

 **DVA:** Hey!

 **[Tracer] granted [DVa] admin permissions.**

 **DVA:** Thanks Lena!

 **TRACER:** No prob luv

 **[DVa] changed [Winston]'s name to [Killjoy].**

 **[Killjoy] has disconnected.**

 **MCCREE:** I think that's the fastest he's ever left a chat

 **DVA:** Scoreboard!

 **GENJI:** The cringe it burns

 **JUNKRAT:** Can you even burn mate

 **GENJI:** Shut up

 **76:** I'm surrounded by idiots.

* * *

 **So, that's all for the introduction for now? If you guys have any ideas for later 'chapters'/texts then let me know and I'll try to include them! Like I said, it'll take me a bit before I'm in a comfortable spot with this kind of comedy but I hope my effort don't go unnoticed. Until next time!  
**


	2. Chapter 2

**Lest we forget the hamster. Another chapter because I was bored.**

* * *

 **[Hammond] has entered [WHO PUT YOU ON THE PLANET].**

 **GENJI:** Who added the gerbil?

 **TRACER:** He's a hamster

 **GENJI:** Same difference

 **HAMMOND:** Fuck you.

 **DVA:** SINCE WHEN CAN HE TALK

 **[Killjoy] has entered [WHO PUT YOU ON THE PLANET].**

 **KILLJOY:** I modified his mecha and added a communicator to his system. It's synced to his translator.

 **KILLJOY:** And for the love of god can someone put my name back?

 **TRACER:** On it

 **DVA:** Do it and I nerf you

 **KILLJOY:** Save your nerfs for Talon, Hana.

 **DVA:** And that's exactly why I changed your name

 **[Mercy] has entered [WHO PUT YOU ON THE PLANET].**

 **[Mercy] changed [Killjoy]'s name to [Winston].**

 **WINSTON:** Thank you, Angela.

 **DVA:** Angie :(

 **MERCY:** Don't call me that.

 **TRACER:** Can't nerf the doc

 **DVA:** I'll still nerf you tho

 **MERCY:** Please no more visits to the infirmary. I already have my hands full with Fareeha.

 **DVA:** Gay

 **TRACER:** Hella gay

 **MERCY:** ...

 **[Mercy] has disconnected.**

 **WINSTON:** Stop it, you two.

 **DVA:** Just stating facts

 **TRACER:** Sucks for Genji though

 **GENJI:** Why you say that

 **TRACER:** Don't you have the biggest crush on her or something

 **DVA:** OH YEAH that explains why he keeps going to her for healing

 **GENJI:** I will kill you

 **TRACER:** Hope you're more efficient than your brother

 **DVA:** HEYO

 **[Hanzo Shimada] has entered [WHO PUT YOU ON THE PLANET].**

 **HANZO:** Can we please leave that topic alone?

 **DVA:** lol never

 **GENJI:** Is no one going to ask what the gerbil wanted

 **TRACER:** Hamster

 **HAMMOND:** Call me a gerbil again.

 **TRACER:** Betcha he won't

 **WINSTON:** No instigating fights.

 **TRACER:** I'm not instigating anything I'm just betting he won't

 **WINSTON:** That's the same thing, Lena.

 **GENJI:** Gerbil

 **[Hammond] went idle.**

 **DVA:** OH SHIT

 **TRACER:** rip genji

 **MCCREE:** rip

 **WINSTON:** How long have you been here?

 **MCCREE:** The whole time

 **[Lucio Correia dos Santos] has entered [WHO PUT YOU ON THE PLANET].**

 **LUCIO:** Why did Hammond just roll by my room at full speed

 **DVA:** Scroll up

 **LUCIO:** rip

 **TRACER:** **-MERCY** still got your hands full with Fareeha?

 **[Mercy] has entered [WHO PUT YOU ON THE PLANET].**

 **MERCY:** Yes, why?

 **DVA:** still gay

 **[Genji] went idle.**

 **MCCREE:** Here we go

 **[Junkrat] has entered [WHO PUT YOU ON THE PLANET].**

 **JUNKRAT:** I SWEAR THOSE EXPLOSIONS AREN'T ME THIS TIME

 **DVA:** We know

 **MERCY:** I'm not healing that.

 **WINSTON:** Angela, please.

 **MERCY:** I'm not a miracle worker.

 **DVA:** But you are tho

 **TRACER:** But he asked for it tho

 **LUCIO:** Tru

 **[Ana Amari] has entered [WHO PUT YOU ON THE PLANET].**

 **ANA:** Children, behave.

 **DVA:** WHO ARE YOU CALLING A CHILD

 **TRACER:** That struck a nerve

 **LUCIO:** Han you're the youngest one here

 **DVA:** IM FUCKING NINETEEN

 **ANA:** That means nothing to me

 **[Hammond] is now active.**

 **HAMMOND:** Genji requires medical attention.

 **[Mercy] has disconnected.**

 **DVA:** Fuckin rekt

 **WINSTON:** Hammond, the next time someone annoys you please do not deploy your minefield.

 **HAMMOND:** I make no such promises.

 **DVA:** Wait do we count Hammond in the age thing

 **TRACER:** I don't see why not

 **DVA:** How old are you hammy

 **HAMMOND:** Do not call me that. Also, I am fourteen in human years.

 **DVA:** HA SO IM NOT THE YOUNGEST

 **TRACER:** Wait he said in human years

 **LUCIO:** What does that mean

 **WINSTON:** Many years ago, long before our time, hamsters typically didn't live longer than three years. One year for humans was about twenty-six years for hamsters. Like how one year for humans was seven years for dogs.

 **TRACER:** So that means Hammond's like 364 years old

 **MCCREE:** Technically still the young'un Hana

 **[DVa] has disconnected.**

 **TRACER:** Lol talk about salt

 **LUCIO:** I'll send Brig her way she'll be fine

 **WINSTON:** What did you want anyway, Hammond?

 **HAMMOND:** I regret to inform you that we are out of peanut butter.

 **[Winston] has disconnected.**

 **LUCIO:** Who's turn was it to go shopping?

 **MCCREE:** Genji's.

 **TRACER:** rip

 **LUCIO:** Poor guy can't catch a break

 **[Aleksandra Zaryanova] has entered [WHO PUT YOU ON THE PLANET].**

 **[Aleksandra Zaryanova] changed her name to [Zarya].**

 **ZARYA:** What is with all the thudding?

 **[Reinhardt Wilhelm] has entered [WHO PUT YOU ON THE PLANET].**

 **REINHARDT:** WINSTON IS HITTING HIS HEAD AGAINST THE WALL

 **JUNKRAT:** Double rip

* * *

 **Until next time!  
**


	3. Chapter 3

**[DVa] has entered [WHERE'S THE LEAK MA'AM].**

 **DVA:** DAMN YOU LUCIO

 **[Lucio] has entered [WHERE'S THE LEAK MA'AM].**

 **LUCIO:** HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY SORRY

 **[Winston] has entered [WHERE'S THE LEAK MA'AM].**

 **WINSTON:** What's going on now?

 **DVA:** ASK LUCIO THIS IS HIS FAULT

 **LUCIO:** HAN FOR THE LAST TIME I'M SORRY

 **[Mercy] has entered [WHERE'S THE LEAK MA'AM].**

 **MERCY:** Guys, what the hell? It's almost three in the morning.

 **MERCY:** Some of us are trying to sleep.

 **DVA:** LUCIO DRANK THE LAST OF MY MOUNTAIN DEW AND ATE MY DORITOS

 **MERCY:** ...

 **WINSTON:** ...

 **[Genji Shimada] has entered [WHERE'S THE LEAK MA'AM].**

 **GENJI:** So the memes are true she is a gremlin

 **DVA:** DON'T FUCKING START WITH ME YOU POWER RANGER WANNABE I WILL TAKE YOU APART AND HIDE YOUR BODY PARTS AROUND THE BASE

 **MERCY:** Please don't. The last time that happened it took three weeks to find his left arm.

 **LUCIO:** That was the hand he used when he took Jesse's hat

 **GENJI:** Hey I got a break from missions for almost a month it was worth it

 **DVA:** CAN WE PLEASE FOCUS ON THE MAIN ISSUE HERE

 **DVA:** I'M OUT OF MY GAMER FUEL

 **WINSTON:** Hana, running out of snacks is not a good reason to nearly wake up the entire base.

 **DVA:** FUCK YOU DONKEY KONG NO ONE'S GETTING REST UNTIL SOMEONE REPLACES MY SNACKS

 **LUCIO:** Ouch, that was unnecessary

 **[Tracer] has entered [WHERE'S THE LEAK MA'AM].**

 **TRACER:** OI! The bloody hell is happening

 **GENJI:** The gremlin is out of food

 **DVA:** I WASN'T JOKING GENJI I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE

 **GENJI:** We all live in the same place how is that a threat

 **WINSTON:** Please stop provoking her.

 **MERCY:** No, let him. Eventually he's gonna learn that I'm not gonna heal him every time he decides to mess with people.

 **DVA:** LUCIO YOU BETTER REPLACE MY SNACKS OR ELSE

 **LUCIO:** I'M BROKE HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO DO THAT

 **DVA:** SHOULD'VE THOUGHT OF THAT BEFORE YOU FUCKING STOLE THEM

 **TRACER:** To be fair everyone knows not to touch Hana's snacks

 **GENJI:** True

 **WINSTON:** Valid argument.

 **MERCY:** This is true.

 **LUCIO:** How was I supposed to know that was the last of them, she keeps them stored EVERYWHERE

 **TRACER:** That's not the point

 **[DVa] went idle.**

 **LUCIO:** Oh no

 **[Fareeha Amari] has entered [WHERE'S THE LEAK MA'AM].**

 **[Fareeha Amari] changed their name to [Pharah].**

 **PHARAH:** What the hell is that sound?

 **[Soldier 76] has entered [WHERE'S THE LEAK MA'AM].**

 **76:** WHY IS HANA MESSING WITH THE ALARM SYSTEM

 **TRACER:** scroll up

 **[Satya Vaswani] has entered [WHERE'S THE LEAK MA'AM].**

 **[Satya Vaswani] changed their name to [Symmetra].**

 **SYMMETRA:** That insufferable child.

 **[Ana Amari] has entered [WHERE'S THE LEAK MA'AM].**

 **ANA:** Shall I sleep dart her?

 **MERCY:** No need, I just saw Jack go by my room.

 **[DVa] is now active.**

 **DVA:** HEY HANDS OFF OLD MAN

 **76:** GET BACK HERE

 **[Jesse McCree] has entered [WHERE'S THE LEAK MA'AM].**

 **MCCREE:** I'm gonna shoot that damn alarm

 **WINSTON:** Please don't.

 **[Brigitte Lindholm] has entered [WHERE'S THE LEAK MA'AM].**

 **BRIGITTE:** Hana if I take you to the grocery store in the morning will you let us sleep

 **DVA:** ...

 **DVA:** Maybe

 **GENJI:** Really? That's all it's gonna take to get her to stop

 **DVA:** Genji I swear to fuck I will find you and I will find a way to kill you

 **TRACER:** I would suggest not going to Hanzo for ideas since he sucks at it

 **TRACER: -** HANZO

 **[Hanzo Shimada] has entered [WHERE'S THE LEAK MA'AM].**

 **HANZO:** I hate all of you.

 **GENJI:** Love you too brother

 **76:** Brigitte isn't going to save you from consequences, Hana.

 **DVA:** Im sorry?

 **76:** Not good enough. Until further notice, you will be running drills with me every morning starting at 0600 tomorrow.

 **DVA:** Oh COME ON

 **76:** I don't wanna hear it.

 **[Soldier 76] has disconnected.**

 **BRIGITTE:** Want me to go with you?

 **DVA:** Yes please :(

 **BRIGITTE:** You got it, see you at 0530.

 **[Brigitte Lindholm] has disconnected.**

 **[DVa] has disconnected.**

 **[Pharah] has disconnected.**

 **[Symmetra] has disconnected.**

 **[Hanzo Shimada] has disconnected.**

 **[Jesse McCree] has disconnected.**

 **[Winston] has disconnected.**

 **[Ana Amari] has disconnected.**

 **GENJI:** That's seriously all it took?

 **MERCY:** Go to sleep, Genji.

 **[Mercy] has disconnected.**

 **GENJI:** What the fuck

 **[Genji Shimada] has disconnected.**

 **LUCIO:** ...

 **LUCIO:** Hey Lena?

 **TRACER:** Yes luv?

 **LUCIO:** Wanna prank Genji?


End file.
